Moths of the Memories
The nights are already darker. I lit the light, moths came to the light. Cricets are louder than before. I sit on the stairs in Elva, at my parents' house. My dad told that the reason why moth come to light may be the will to get out of closed space - out from darkness. This is common to most species.
The second butterfly danced on the wall of the jar for a long time before dying. I was thinking once again, which may be the connection of me killing butterflies and bombings in London.
Those two moths came together. I caught one. The other one still didn't leave. Then I caught him too. Seemed that it was important for them to die together. There was few poison, so they had to struggle for quite a while.
I was writing script for my film. Why do we sense time as directional? Why do we sense only present time as really real? Baul: "If you say that time is circular, then it means that there is no change. Everything will repeat exactly in the same way as it has always been."
No thoughts. Weariness is killing me. Work, work, work, work. No proper sleep for two weeks. I still manage to do things, but no joy. But I have to keep on the enthusiastic smile. To make customers believe. To make them to buy our service. To get payed myself.
Dreams are getting crazy. Yesterday I woke up with fear that robbers may break in. I started to be affraid of being alone in Vääna. The day before yesterday I cried all night in my dreams. I saw that my mum was very ill.